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linda-flame-photoI’m embarrassed to post this picture of me online.

I wasn’t embarrassed back in 2013. I uploaded this picture and similar ones (without the burning X effect) to an online dating website.

At that time, I was trying “To Catch a Man.”

At that time, I thought the way to catch a man’s attention, and the way to a man’s heart was with sexual pleasure. As you can see, I took this picture in a provocative way, and I was standing next to the bed in my bedroom.

What was I thinking?

Sexual Pleasure = Love to a Man?


I had the dysfunctional mindset that a man will fall in love with and show his love for a woman with sexual pleasure. To me, this mindset was the reality of how men were in general. I developed this pattern of thinking growing up with child sexual abuse in the home.

My father sexually abused me at the age of four or five years old (I’ve never openly or publicly admitted this personal information) and several other of his daughters over the course of years.

It was normal to see him come into our bedroom early in the morning and watch him get into bed with one of his daughters. He inadvertently showed his daughters that a man shows his love for you by having sexual intercourse with you.

This behavior was normal growing up in our home.

I didn’t know that a man will “not” fall in love with a woman or strictly show his love for a woman simply by having sexual intercourse with her.

I didn’t know!

That sexual desire, sexual pleasure and being desirable to a man by wearing sexy clothes had little to do with a man’s long-term commitment to a woman.

I didn’t understand that God’s divine purpose for sexual pleasure between a man and a woman is to create an emotional and intellectual bond of lifelong marital partnership.

I learned what God’s divine purpose for sexual pleasure and about the morality of sex from Bob Sherbondy at


According to Bob’s statements

God’s divine purpose is to make the two flesh become as one mentally and emotionally and create a deeper connection or bond with loving trust and tender, caring that is much deeper than sexual pleasure and more enduring than romantic moods.

I had no idea that a man will be in love with you when he feels this deeper connection or bond with you. This connection goes far beyond any sexual pleasure a woman has to offer him. Its special quality includes a factor of special tenderness that demonstrates a persistent caring that goes far being sexual pleasures.

I have never experienced this type of connection with a man.

In fact, a man can be in love with a woman without even having sexual intercourse with her.

 And according to Bob’s statements

A man and woman become “one flesh” in a bonded marital lifetime partnership through exclusive sexual intercourse.


The truth does hurt sometimes.

I cried tears of great pain when the light shined on the truth and exposed this darkness. I felt a deep hurt to the core of my soul when this dysfunctional mindset finally cleared up.

I had been searching for a man’s love in the wrong manner (via sexual pleasure) for over twenty years. It hurt deeply to know that all those years were wasted feeling unloved by men. All those years wasted with dysfunctional patterns of thinking. The Lord had shined the light of truth and enlightened my darkness.

For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness. Psalm 18:28 KJV


I needed to change this dysfunctional mindset.

I searched online to learn more about men, dating, and relationships, and eventually found Joe Amoia at He helped me understand men, dating, and relationships. What a blessing.

I posted this picture online as a little girl. I certainly didn’t have very much self-worth going on either. I placed my self-worth, my value in my body and sexual pleasure.

No dependable, caring, trustworthy and loving man would even respond to this type of picture. At least that is my understanding today. Thanks to Joe 🙂


The Reality Is

The reality is, the only type of man this picture will attract is “not” a man at all. This picture will only attract a “boy” who may look like a man, but who still acts like a little boy who only wants what will make him feel good.

The reality is, the only type of woman who would post a picture like this online is “not” a woman at all. It’s a “little girl” who may look like a woman, but who still acts like and has the dysfunctional mindset of a little girl who only wants what will make her feel wanted.

I didn’t have the knowledge that was required to act like a lady. I didn’t have the knowledge that was required to discern what a real man or lady was.

I was guilty as charged!


This message is for all the young girls.

Trust me; I learned the hard way. Save yourself a lot of heartache down the road.

If you have pictures of yourself like this online or on your phone DELETE them.

In fact, BURN them. ASAP!

And then

Act like and be a LADY!

That is the only way “To Attract a Man” who is worthy of your loving heart.

Don’t be a victim of this dysfunctional mindset. It will cause you a great deal of pain and anguish in the long run. You will waste years of your life seeking a man’s love in the wrong manner.

You won’t find a man or a man’s love with sexual pleasure.

[Tweet “You won’t find a man or a man’s love with sexual pleasure.”]


Be a LADY, who is lovely, tender, graceful, loving and one who displays her self-worth to men.


Linda M Carleton 2016
Linda M Carleton 2016

Post a picture similar to this one and strive to be a lady.

2 thoughts to “How to Catch a Man

  • Bob Sherbondy

    You are certainly a beautiful lady inside and outside. It is a real pleasure to be your friend and a part of your transformed life.

    • Linda M Carleton

      Bob, Thank you! I’m grateful for your friendship and guidance.


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