Why doesn’t my mom love me? Growing up with my mother was a constant battle. I thought, “My mom doesn’t love me” for many years. Her behavior towards my siblings and me throughout my teenage years was utterly repulsive.
My mom chose to favor her sexually abusive husband, who was a pedophile, over her children.
At the age of fourteen, my father took off into the woods and tried to commit suicide. Perhaps he was ashamed of his actions or feared what would happen to him in prison. I’m not sure since no one talked about what happened in our home. Our parents left us children in the dark regarding his actions and everything else.
My father had finally been caught sexually abusing his daughters. Mom knew about his abusive actions for many years. I showed her one-day firsthand what he was doing. Mom chose not to protect her children, and she walked away.
I became furious and hateful towards her from that moment forward. The constant battle to push her into doing the right things in life for her children had begun.
I remember going to mom’s house with my two kids to ask for her help. I needed a place to say, to get away from my husband’s abuse. Once again, my mom chose to shut the door on me and walked away for good.
I spent years feeling unloved and unwanted by her. She seemed like a cold woman without a heart or any compassion for my sufferings. I thought, “My mom doesn’t love me.”
However, that wasn’t the truth.
I discovered the truth about mom and love twenty-five years later.
That’s when I realized that mom was just like me!
I didn’t know that mom had endured abuse as a child. Mom kept secrets from her children and everyone else too. She didn’t acknowledge or deal with what happened to her as a child.
I didn’t understand that she lived with a sexually abusive man who was her only source of income. Mom didn’t have the knowledge, strength or the means within herself to love anyone, including herself.
Distorted View of Love
I came to realize that I had a distorted view of love for many years.
I thought love was an emotional feeling that you felt inside. Mom never expressed feelings of love towards her children. I thought love was receiving sexual pleasure from a partner. That’s what our father showed us love was growing up.
These distorted views of love came from living in a dysfunctional family. They came from my parents who chose not to walk in the light of Christ and to follow God’s word.
What is Love?
Love is an action of giving that requires an ability to carry through.
When a person doesn’t have the capacity to complete the activity of love successfully, on a continuous basis, that person is not able to give or receive love from anyone.
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God is Love
The Lord, Jesus Christ is the greatest example of love ever given to humanity. God gave his son Jesus to die for our sins out of love for us so that we may have everlasting life.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16 KJV
Jesus died on the cross for our sins, knowing he may never receive our love back in return. I can’t begin to imagine how Jesus felt in his heart when he died for us. He was rejected, disliked, hated, misunderstood, and despised all without a cause.
Jesus still lay down his life out of love for us.
Greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 KJV
Love is a selfless act of giving to others, and when a person lives in darkness, they lack the ability to love. They can’t comprehend what genuine love is for God is love.
Why Doesn’t My Mom Love Me?
My mom didn’t have the ability to give her children a proper home environment. She couldn’t carry through with the actions of love on a continuous basis because she was downtrodden herself.
Mom was in an oppressed state of mind for years. She didn’t have the strength or ability to reach out for help.
Mom couldn’t help herself, and so she couldn’t give me a hand either.
I can understand and have sympathy and forgiveness for mom’s actions today.
I endured the same circumstances that mom did for many years. I didn’t have the ability to give my two children a proper home environment.
I lived in fear of an abusive husband and had an oppressed state of mind for many years. I couldn’t help or love myself, and so I couldn’t help or love my children either.
I was still living in darkness when my daughter and I finally meet for the first time in over twenty years. I didn’t have a supportive man in my life to assist me with life’s struggles. I was carrying the burdens of raising two other children alone.
I couldn’t reach back out to her because of fear. I was fearful that her father would find and kill me. I let fear consume me and ruin the chance given to reconnect.
Do you feel unloved by a parent?
I hope this blog post will help you understand why a parent might not have the ability love you. I pray you come to know what genuine love is for God is love. Please share your thoughts, insights or comments to this post in the box below.
God Bless, Linda